Preseason Board Banter

Because all board banter can be voted on for the prize at the end of the year and Yahoo! will erase them during the year, I'll move the posts over here, starting from the beginning (if anyone has a problem with this, let me know and I can just save them and email them out at the end of the year)...


New Commissioner's Noteby: TheOrderOfThePhoenix (frontrowfreak2)
Aug 8 11:00pm
Good luck, bitches.


Tall Tom's Noteby: AAAROOOKICK (tallzag)
Aug 9 9:29pm
Prepare to defend your chip stacks, bitches.


Tall, Prepare to defend your...by: Mammary Motivated (tahoedirty)
Aug 9 9:40pm
MANHOOD AAAROOOKICK? Huh? What the HELL is that all about? Are you serious? or just retarded? Give me a break. There isn't an award for the worst team name. You know that right? AAAROOOOKICK? Seriously? I am tired of you already. LTMS.


Dirtby: AAAROOOKICK (tallzag)
Aug 9 9:51pm
You can start talking smack as soon as you finish out of last place. If you don't know what my team name means, I don't want to know you.


Tall...by: Cap Hill Log Jammers (gleasonthomas)
Aug 9 10:14pm
i don't think god him/her self knows what the hell you team name means. i'll go ahead and take a stab at it...is that the sound that comes out of your mouth when you want tom klewzeski to pull the hamster out? a word of advice tall...don't drop the soap when you step onto the field against the Log Jammers, it won't end well for you. better get your helmet on and get your head right, it's football season baby!


Tall,by: Mammary Motivated (tahoedirty)
Aug 9 10:29pm
If your name is somehow related to a late 90s video game (Street Fighter 2) in which a typecast "asian" wore a yellow fighting kimono and had his way with fighters such as Ken, M Bison, and Chun Li, well then that name is just dumb for three reasons: 1) Kenon has a monopoly on video game names 2) Not everyone is going to know what it means, if that is even what it is. Sean doesn't know, I don't know, and I bet you 3/4 of the people in the league don't either, and finally 3) It's a horrible name. How do I pronounce it? Has nothing to do with having any semblance of being a good name and has everything to do with stupidity. If it pertains to something else, then please refer to Gleason's message. (Editor's note: This is not an attempt at post of the year. Thank you)


To All the Hater's in the Audienceby: AAAROOOKICK (tallzag)
Aug 9 10:51pm
I will drop you all in fantasy football like a bad early 90's video fighting game.


Ryuby: TheOrderOfThePhoenix (frontrowfreak2)
Aug 9 11:56pm
Tall, Terrible attempt. Awful name. Besides, if you're going to quote an ancient video game, at least spell it right. In StreetFighterII, when Ryu created his blue fireball, he yelled, "AA-RYU-KEN", which was a reference to the other character with a similar fighting style, and probably his gay lover, Ken. Sincerely, Sam PS - Try "Tallzag Boners"


I'll Keep Drinking the Haterade....by: Cap Hill Log Jammers (gleasonthomas)
Aug 10 8:10am
Tall, why don't you name your team the "Zangiefs"...I think this is more fitting since it will combine your love for both street fighter 2 and burly russian men wearing speedos.


League Charter Question...by: Cap Hill Log Jammers (gleasonthomas)
Aug 10 12:20pm
is worst* team name a prize winning category this year? *Note: "worst" does not refer to just the League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, but to all fantasy football leagues since the dawn of time.


I don't knowby: Black Bush (tomblack2121)
Aug 10 12:37pm
Wow, I thought those guys on the streetfighter game were saying... iiiii'm - a - puking, because it looked like they were coughing up a giant cum-ball or something


Me as a small child...by: IBeatYouInPickleBall (joe22smith22)
Aug 10 6:59pm
http://www.pickleball.com/Rules.asp please click on the link...thanks


Quote of the dayby: Horn-Metrics (soconnor13)
Aug 11 11:53am
Commenting on his stance against making the trip to play the NFL pre-season opener in Japan: "I ain't never flown 15 hours," Edgeren James told the Sporting News. "I have the whole off-season to see the world, and I still don't go anywhere."


Benchby: Black Bush (tomblack2121)
Aug 11 5:59pm
Hey Tall, Garcia is going to be playing by week 3. Him and Mooch have the 49er connection. And 49ers screw all that has to do with Sea-sqeak fans. Ha Ha Ha!


Laces Out!by: CthrnMcKnzs Favorite (tahoedirty)
Aug 12 8:19am
Nate Kaeding (my kicker) went Ray Finkle on me last night and missed three field goals. Yes, off to a great season...


Projected statsby: Black Bush (tomblack2121)
Aug 12 2:20pm
Is the projected stats thing for real? It tells me T.O. is going to have 10.1 touchdowns this year. I want to be there to see it live when he gets that t.d. that's worth 0.1 points. You think T.O. is mad right now... By the way, I've offered T.O. some extra money for later on in life when his family might not be doing so well financially...I said he could work under me as the fifth pool boy at Mr. Gleason's 7th estate on Gleason's privately owned island...Cuba.


Trade Protestsby: TheOrderOfThePhoenix (frontrowfreak2)
Aug 24 9:32pm
I took off the trade protest rule because I think that if two teams agree on a trade, the league shouldn't have the right to veto it. There is still a "commissioner review" option, which would prevent a super lopsided trade if someone was giving up (Benz), but other than that I don't think trades should be disallowed by the league. Disagree? I would have done the same thing even if I wasn't involved with these trades. This was the first one so it was the first time I saw that that was in place. It's a bunk rule and I should have had it off to begin with. That said, these two trades were done with the old rule, so the voting function is still on them.


Yeah whateverby: Hook & Ladder (samreed42)
Aug 25 11:10am
Go ahead Mr. Commish, change all the rules. I'm just a little amazed at how you spun a mediocre QB in Collins into one of the top young RB in football (Jackson). Worse, how can you except having a Beaver on your squad. Money can really change a person.


Good thinkingby: Black Bush (tomblack2121)
Aug 25 4:01pm
Someone has figured it out...go with the Arizona offense and you're set in the fantasy league. I like it Sam H...Warner, Boldin, and if the trade goes through you get Arrington. I think Arizona is going to be pretty good on offense this year...now you just have to get Fitzgerald and you're set. By the way your team name should be I AM SAM!


Go Cardsby: TheOrderOfThePhoenix (frontrowfreak2)
Aug 25 10:12pm
Planned it that way baby. This is their year. Wouldn't you like to have the next Peyton, Edgerrin, and Harrison combo all on your fantasy team? Cards are going all the way this year. In fact, I'd put money on it with you that they'll make the playoffs, Black. All they needed was a 2 time NFL MVP winner (and his dike wife) at the helm to put them over the top. PS - I've also got their defense. ANTREL ROLLE BITCHES!!!!!!


New Champion's Note...by: Cap Hill Log Jammers (gleasonthomas)
Sep 6 7:32am
The season starts Thursday. Enjoy the race for 2nd place...bitches. Game...blouses.


One more thing from NYC...by: Cap Hill Log Jammers (gleasonthomas)
Sep 6 8:45am
during my visit with benz this weekend, i mentioned our fantasy football league...he was pissed that we forgot to invite him to join. so he may want in next year. be on the lookout for the 2006 NYC Fightin' Man Blouses, they're sure to be fericious. does Prada make football uniforms?

Preseason "Free" Adds Finished

As of the kickoff of the first game yesterday, these were the "free" moves made by teams in the league:


Team (Moves)

CthrnMcKnzs Favorite(2)
AAAROOOKICK(2)
Montuckian Rednecks(2)
Collin's Islanders(0)
Flyin' Hawaiians(0)
IBeatYouInPickleBall(3)
Horn-Metrics(3)
Cap Hill Log Jammers(4)
10-YARD FIGHT(2)
Hook & Ladder(3)
Black Bush(5)
TheOrderOfThePhoenix(6)

At the end of the season, each team will owe $1 for every "Add" a team shows on the team homepage in addition to the ones shown here.

Horn-Metrics Training Camp Update

SEATTLE, Washington - Aug. 19. As the NFL season draws ever closer, Horn-Metrics General Manager S. O'Connor finds himself waking up in cold-sweats in the middle of the night. "Last season was such a disaster, I hope we made the right moves to rebuild this team," O'Connor recently noted.

Last season was a disaster for O'Connor's squad formerly known as The Green Party, formerly known as Chris Horn's Crusaders, formerly known as Chris Horn for MVP. After a sucessful inaugural season in '03, which included a regular season championship, the team was mired in '04 by drug suspensions, jail time, dropped balls, and general poor performance resulting from widespread substance abuse. "Last years team lacked focus and desire, we might as well have played our season in Amsterdam... seriously."

This season' team is molded a bit differently with O'Connor deliberately choosing to take his risks on younger players with high potential. For example, O'Connor passed on Jamal Lewis in the first round, and instead chose the high performing, low SAT scoring, Dante Culpepper. Culpepper, is capable of putting up some big numbers this year, but without Randy Moss catching jump balls, there are still question marks. One Orlando resident who watched Dante in highschool and college commented, "he's got lots of physical skill, but is dumb as a post. They couldn't get him into either FSU or Florida, and they usually can get you in if you can walk and breath..."

Regardless, O'Connor feels Dante is the leader who can take this team to another level, and the feeling in camp is optimistic.

Slight Change to the ThreeSeasonRule

The Three Season Rule: A GM can only "keep" a player during a draft (select that player as a "keeper") two (2) times while they hold that player's contract. At the end of the player's contract season (after they have been held for the second time), the GM must drop that player immediately. Thus, after the last game of the player's contract year, the player is a free agent to be available in the following year's draft. The team does not "own his rights" to trade him during the offseason.

Sean and I think this will be easier to keep track of than the other way. Let me know if you have issues.

THE CHARTER (v2)

Best of luck to all of you.

Fantasy Football League Charter

Table of Contents
League Type
League Terms
Team Positions
Scoring System
League Fees
League Awards
Category Awards

1. League Type
We will have either 10 teams or 12 teams (expandable to 12 for future years) in the same forum, the Yahoo! Fantasy system. This year we embark on a whole new level of Fantasy Football: The Keeper League. In a nutshell, this means that when you draft this year, keep in mind that some of your players will carry over onto your team next year.

2. League Terms
How this works: At the end of the regular season, your roster will be frozen from picking up players. You may perform trades with other teams during the off-season. Before next year’s draft, you will designate four (4) of your players from the previous year’s roster to keep on your team. If you would like to keep 5, you forgo your first round draft pick from the free agent pool.

Expansions: A separate expansion draft will take place before the season if someone new would like to come in. Each team will protect two (2) players from the expansion team, and the expansion team will be able to choose a total four (4) players from the unprotected players already on a roster (not to exceed one (1) player from any single team), or from the free agent pool. These will be their four “keeper” players.

Team dropping: If a person decides not to participate in the league any longer, their players will be put onto the free agent list for the next year’s draft. If they should decide to stop participating in the middle of the season, their roster is frozen until the end of the season, at which point all players on the defunct roster will become free agents. This person cannot rejoin the league for a minimum of two (2) seasons.

The Three Season Rule: A player can only remain on a team’s roster for three (3) seasons. At the end of the third season, that player must be dropped to the free agent pool to be selected from during the following year’s draft. If a player is picked up or traded for during the middle of a season, the three years begins at the start of the following year.

Trades: Deadline for trades is specified by Yahoo!

Playoffs: Final playoff game will be the week before the final week of the regular NFL season.

3. Team Positions

QB, WR, WR, RB, RB, TE, W/TE, W/RB, K, DEF, BN, BN, BN, BN, BN, BN, BN, BN, BN

4. Scoring System

Passing Yards (50 yards per point)
Passing Touchdowns (6)
Interceptions (-2)
Rushing Yards (20 yards per point)
Rushing Touchdowns (6)
Receptions (.5)
Reception Yards (20 yards per point)
Reception Touchdowns (6)
Return Yards (20 yards per point)
Return Touchdowns (6)
2-Point Conversions (2)
Fumbles Lost (-2)
Offensive Fumble Return TD (6)
Field Goals 0-19 Yards (3)
Field Goals 20-29 Yards (3)
Field Goals 30-39 Yards (3)
Field Goals 40-49 Yards (4)
Field Goals 50+ Yards (5)
Field Goals Missed 0-19 Yards (-3)
Field Goals Missed 20-29 Yards (-2)
Field Goals Missed 30-39 Yards (-1)
Field Goals Missed 40-49 Yards (0)
Field Goals Missed 50+ Yards (0)
Point After Attempt Made (1)
Point After Attempt Missed (-2)
Sack (1)
Interception (2)
Fumble Recovery (2)
Touchdown (6)
Safety (2)
Block Kick (2)
Points Allowed 0 points (10)
Points Allowed 1-6 points (7)
Points Allowed 7-13 points (4)
Points Allowed 14-20 points (1)
Points Allowed 21-27 points (0)
Points Allowed 28-34 points (-1)
Points Allowed 35+ points (-4)

5. League Dues
There will be a $XXX.XX dues fee to enter the league at the beginning of the season. Once the commissioner receives the team’s dues, he will send the password to the league so the team will participate. No team will be allowed into the league without submitting their dues before the draft date. If the commissioner does not receive a team’s dues before 11:59 PM the day before the draft, their entire team will be vanquished to the free agent pool. If that team submits their dues the day of the draft, they become an expansion team (see above).

The Transaction Fee: For every roster move a team makes (adding a free agent) after the beginning of the first game of the season, a $1 fee will be assessed to that team. This fee will is payable by the end of the regular season. If a team does not pay their transaction fee by the end of the playoffs, their roster will be vanquished and all of their players will become free agents for the next season’s draft. There are no fees for trades. Once the proceeds from the Transaction Fee are gathered, they will be redistributed as explained below.

6. League Awards
The league awards will be distributed as follows:
Playoff Winner: 70% of League Dues.
Playoff Second Place: 10% of League Dues.
Regular Season Winner: 20% of League Dues.

7. Category Awards
The Transaction Fees, as explained above, will fund the Category Awards. Category Awards will be distributed equally amongst the 6 categories (16.6%) as follows (based on Regular Season Statistics, where applicable):

Highest Week Point Total – Team
Highest Week Point Total – Player
Highest Week Point Total – Defense
Best Team Name (As Voted on By Team GMs)
Best Roster Move (As Voted on By Team GMs following nominations by commissioner)
Best Message Board Post (As Voted on By Team GMs following nominations by commissioner)

Tie votes will be decided by a revote between the tied parties. Anything still ending in a tie after a revote will be decided by commissioner.

Welcome

Welcome to the league everyone. A former commissioner and I got together and thought this would be a good place to post the charter, trades, and other issues that come up with the fantasy football keeper league. Stay tuned for more...